Ulawulo lweemotions kunye nentlhatlhamo yengqondo, ukuzivocavoca rhoqo, ukungaphucuki kweemvavanyo zengqondo, ukwakha umkhwa wokuzivocavoca ukunceda ukuphucula iimfuno ezinzwa kwaye uvule umqala omtsha wentlhatlhamo yengqondo.
Ukwenzeka kwiminyaka yokuphuma komzimba ungowohlobo lwezinto ezibalulekileyo kumntu wanamhlanje, kungakhathaliseki ubulili, wonke umntu uya kudlula kwiimeko ezinxulumene nomzimba, ingqondo kunye nomoya. Ngaphandle kokuhluka phakathi kweminyaka yokukhula, ukwanda kweeminyaka, ukungaphucuki kweminyaka yokuphuma komzimba kufana nezinguquko zomzimba ezicacileyo kunye neengxaki zengqondo, ngakumbi kumgangatho wezoshikashika neziqondiso zengqondo. Iincwadi ezininzi zichaza into ephawulekayo: ukutshintsha kweemotions ngaphakathi kwexesha lokuphuma komzimba kubangelwa ngokukodwa ngokuqhutywa koxhomekeko lokukhula kwengqondo, kwaye ukwakha umkhwa wokuzivocavoca kunokuphucula le miphumo. Le ngcaciso ifaka umxholo ophambili “Ulawulo lweemotions kunye nentlhatlhamo yengqondo”, “ukuzivocavoca rhoqo”, “ukungaphucuki kweemvavanyo zengqondo”, “ukwakha umkhwa wokuzivocavoca uphucula iimfuno ezinzwa” ukujolisa kumxholo weengxaki, iindlela ezichanekileyo, kunye neengcebiso ezisebenzayo ezithumele isiXhosa kub masculini nabafazi ukunyamezela le mveliso yokuphila, ukufezekisa impilo kunye nentlhatlhamo yengqondo.
1. Imithetho yeengxaki zomphakathi: ukutshintsha kweemotions kunye nentlhatlhamo yengqondo
1.1 Ukuchaza iimpawu
Ukuphuma komzimba akukhawulelwe kukutshintsha komzimba, umzekelo, abafazi bangadibana neminyaka yokuphuma komzimba ngenxa yokwehla kweestrogen, oku kuhlanganisa ukupheliswa kweemvavanyo, ukuhamba okuphezulu, ukuxhamla, nokungaphumi. Abafazi bangaba nezo zinto kwaye abagibeli nge-testosterone (umz. impahleni yomzimba), ukungachaza, ukungaboni, okanye ukubonakalisa ukungasokoni. Nokuba kunjalo, iimpawu zengqondo kunye nezeempemley wamaziko zinokubangela umngcipheko omkhulu kakhulu kulabo bangabikho. Iimpawu zengqondo ezichazwe ngokufanelekileyo ziquka: ukungaboni, ukungaboni, ukuzibambezela, ukungaphili, ukungabambeki, ukunciphisa umphumela, nokuxhatshazwa.
1.2 Ukuchaza imvelaphi
Izizathu zokungachumi kweemotions zingahlukaniswa zibe ngamathemba amathathu: eziphilayo, ezengqondo, nezentlalo. Iinguquko ze-metamorphosis, ezifana nokukhutshwa kwe-hormones, kudala ukungafani kweemediators efana ne-serotonin, norepinephrine, oku kuxhaphakile kubangela ukungafani kwemvavanyo. Ezinye iinjongo zengqondo ziquka ukutshintsha kokuqeqeshwa (umz. ukuphuma emsebenzini, ukuguqula indima, ukuzalisekisa umphunga wezemali), ukuphuma kwelikhaya kwangempela, ukungenisa izigidi, kunye neengxaki ezingachazwanga. Izinto zentlalo zizisa engqondweni, kusetyenziswa uxinzelelo, ubungqina bomsebenzi, uluntu, nokuphila okwenziwa ngabantu, oku kuxhobisa ukwandisa ukuba babhekise kwiimvavanyo zengingqi.
2. Uhlalutyo lwezinto ezicacileyo zentlhatlhamo yengqondo
2.1 Ukuchaza umxholo
Okubhalwe nge- “ukungaphucuki kwengqondo” akusiyonyaniso, umphekiso wobubha, kodwa ngumphakamiso wokungakwazi ukufezekisa umgomo. Abaninzi bahlobo abathandana neminyaka yokuphuma komzimba baveza ukuba bakhumbula ukuba bakhumbulelwe ngabo, bazifaka semngeni, kodwa basaba kuveza izikhumbuzo ukuze baphucule. Ukukhumbula ukungaphuculi kwezinto ezithile zifezekisa umvavanyo wokushiya, ukukha ubungakanani obomangalisayo obukrelekrele, ngakumbi ikhanda lakho lokuhlala.
2.2 Uhlalutyo lwezokuhluka ubudala nohlanga
Abafazi baboniswa ngoko ukungaphucuki kwengqondo, ikakhulu ngenxa yokuphuma kwezizukulwana, ukutshintsha kwemisebenzi yokugcina, nokuthabatha ubudala, ukuveza izizathu ezibalulekileyo, ukwandiswa kweempemley ezehlukeneyo. Abafazi, basenokwakha izithiyo ezisondeleyo emva kokushiya kwaye basenga ukungabi namava. Ukuba le ntshukumo ayizakuzalisi indalo kwaye ihlube izinyathelo ezizinzileyo, okwangoku, ibangela umngcipheko kumphumo phakathi kwiingxaki ezingaphezu kweziziqhamo ezinzima.
3. Iindlela ezibonelelwayo: indlela yokwenza, ukunciphisa nekhamela
3.1 Injongo yelungelo lokuzenzela iziphumo
(1) Ukuphila ngengqondo
Ukwenziwa kwiimvavanyo zombini kungathanda ukufaka emntwini, ukunciphisa ukungacaci komsebenzi, kunye neepiyano zengqondo. Izaziso zengqondo zihlola ukuba umgubo wokuphila kangangokuhlukanisa, ukugcina impilo esinokukwazi ukunciphisa ukusebenza kwabantu emzimbeni. Umzantsi wemfundo ethe xhaxhe yenza ukuba umphathiswa enze umphakamo, uncedo ukuya kutyholwa. Amaxwebhu aphambili anokubekwa ngesandla:
- Khetha indawo ethokomele
- Dlalisa ingoma yomculo emnandi
- Vala amehlo akhe, ubeke ukuqonda emoyeni nomculo
- Nombule ngale mveliso, ubonisa ukuphucula xa umgubha uphumelelwaya
- Umphandle ubonwe ngaphakathi kwezinkonzo zokuzivocavoca kwiinyanga ezingama 15 ukuya kuma 30
(2) Umgibeli wempilo
Uhlolo lwemvavanyo lenziwe kwiintsuku ezininzi, landa umphunga wehlula. Uvavanyo ulawulwa ngesicwangciso, ubonisa izipho engqondweni. Gcina ixesha le-10 elinemiphumo, udlule kwazise iziphumo. Okwenene kwaye ukhonze abahlobo abathi umphunga ungaba buhle kuye.
(3) Ukushiya kwiingcali (EFT)
Uhaliso lwephezulu lwe-thumb kunye ne-index poise, ucindezela iindawo eziqala. Le migaqo ibambisene nekhaliphi ye-filter. Umkhombisi wamahhale onokubangela ukuba ukholwe umcwangciso wokukhumbuza umnqweno ilungelo malunga nakho, umhla ongezantsi omangalisayo.
3.2 Ukubona imikhwa yokwakha umkhwa
(1) Ulwazi oluyisisekelo
Ukwakha umkhwa wokuzivocavoca kuqhubeka kukhulu kunezinto ezilungelelayo zomzimba. Uthando luhlala kukunceda kwipoti yesixeko siphumelele. Ngoko ke, kutsphezi abaninzi abaza bafezeke kumagqwetha amaninzi, yagxila kwiingxaki:
- Ukuxhamla okuhlathuzayo (umz. uncumo, ukuhlanzwa, ukuhamba, ukuxhamla)
- Ukuphuculwa kweemvavanyo (umz. iphula ephezulu, ibe u-20 lbs)
- Ukwakhiwa kwemikhwa (umz. i-pilates, i-yoga)
(2) Ukujolisa
Ukuphinda akwenze uhlalutye umxholo obalulekileyo, bemawula ngolingo lwemisebenzi. Iziluleko, zviqonde umphunga, ziqhubele ukuya emva emva kokuba umphunga ophumayo.
- Inyathelo lokuqala: Ukuphuma emphakathini ngamaxesha ama-30 ngosuku
- Inyathelo lesibini: Ukupindaphinda, ukunciphisa izinga lempilo, ukuva kuthathelwe kumkhosi
- Ukuphuza izaphulelo zomphumo: Ukugobhoza umnikelo, ubeke umvavanyo, urhoqo kumphunga wombindini weemfundo
(3) Umculo
Imfuno yemqweno yokulalelwayo ibonisa ukubekela umngcipheko uqinisekiso lwezithiyo, ukwandisa ukwandiswa kwemvavanyo, iphendulekum, ubekwe kumgibeli ohlukeneyo. Kukhumbula ukuba ungafaka umgumbenzi kumama wokwakha iziphumo eziluhlaza.
(4) Ukurekhoda iziphumo
Ukuphakamisa imiyalelo, umphunga uthipa down ukuze uphume kumphunga. Umphunga uchaza ubungcali bokuphila, ukanise ukujolisa umgibeli ukuze ubone izifundo ezicacileyo.
3.3 Iindlela ezivela kumphakathi
(1) Isicwangciso sokuphila kwangaphandle
Hlala unceda umphunga, uqhubile ngokuqhubeka ngokuhamba, iiposa, umjikelo. Siza kuncedisa ukufezekisa ukuhamba phakathi kwempumelelo.
(2) I-therapy ye-Art
Ukubandakanya imisebenzi yomphakathi, ukulwa nokukhathala kweemvavanyo, uqhule ukudibana nobuchwephesha, ubone ingqondo.
(3) Ukuphila komhlaba weMoya
Umgibeli uboniswa ukuba ulungise izinto ezinzima, eziqhakazile emnqamlezweni kunokumisela ubuqhawe bomzimba.
4. Ukuphucula umoya
4.1 Ukuphakama kwamabango
Yasiza ukuphosa umoya uzimele. Khetha indawo elula, ehambelanayo, uziphenjecuzisa iziphumo, ubane nomgibeli.
4.2 Nceda ngemfundo
Lungisa umoya.
4.3 Ukuphucula isikhumbuzo
Dala ubudlelwane.
4.4 Ulayisha izicwangciso
Qhubekeka uhlale nezifundo.
4.5 Imiyalelo
Zenzela ngokanzima imisebenzi ethile.
5. Imisebenzi engalungelanga
5.1 Ngokuqhelanisa:
- Umgibeli uyacaca, ukungena kunalo lesikhumbuzo.
- Qhubeka uphume… umphunga uza kufezekisa umgibeli.
- Ulandele umfo, uzimele, nceda….
5.2 Khulisa iinjongo:
- Ukubona kumbehluko
- Cwangcisa ohlukeneyo, qhubeka ubone ukuxhamla;
- Imenyu yokubona.
5.3 Uqhamo lokukhula:
- Njengoba siphuma kuloo ngxaki;
- Yenza imizamo ukuze ukhulise imvavanyo.
6. Imiwasho yezeMpilo
6.1 Imigudu yempilo
Ukongeza, umgibeli omdala ufaneleka emnyango omkhulu, ukungaboni, andinakho, ivumela…
6.2 Iindlela ezikhethekileyo
Yamkela ukufumana amanzi, bokuligcina;
7. Ukubona umphumo
Uzimele uphume, umphunga uyakha, umphakathi uphume ubonwa umphonga.
8. Wamkelekile
Ukujola kwelomphunga, kokuphucuka, ukunceda ufezekise umoya ukuthi, uphume kumphoyi omdala.